Monday, August 23, 2010

MOVING TO MEXICO


 
 Dear Mr. President:

 I'm planning to move my family and 
 extended family into Mexico for my  
 health, and I would like to ask you 
 to assist me.

 We're planning to simply walk 
 across the border from the U.S. into 
 Mexico, and we'll need your help to 
 make a few arrangements.

 We plan to skip all the legal stuff 
 like visas, passports, immigration 
 quotas and laws.

 I'm sure they handle those things 
 the same way you do here. So,
 would you mind telling your buddy, 
 President Calderon, that I'm on my 
 way over?

 Please let him know that I will be 
 expecting the following:

 1. Free medical care for my entire 
 family.

 2. English-speaking government 
 bureaucrats for all services I might 
 need, whether I use them or not.

 3. Please print all Mexican
 government forms in English.

 4. I want my grandkids to be taught
Spanish by English-speaking
(bi-lingual) teachers.

 5. Tell their schools they need to 
 include classes on American 
 culture and history.

 6. I want my grandkids to see the 
 American flag on one of the flag 
 poles at their school.

 7. Please plan to feed my grandkids 
 at school for both breakfast and
 lunch.

 8. I will need a local Mexican 
 driver's license so I can get easy 
 access to government services.

 9. I do plan to get a car and drive in 
 Mexico but I don't plan to purchase
 car insurance, and I probably won't 
 make any special effort to learn 
 local traffic laws.

 10. In case one of the Mexican  
 police officers does not get the
 memo from their president to leave 
 me alone, please be sure that every 
 patrol car has at least one English-
 speaking officer.

 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from 
 my house top, put U. S. flag decals 
 on my car, and have a gigantic 
 celebration on July 4th. I do not
 want any complaints or negative 
 comments from the locals.

 12. I would also like to have a nice 
 job without paying any taxes, or 
 have any labor or tax laws enforced 
 on any business I may start.

 13. Please have the president tell all 
 the Mexican people to be extremely 
 nice and never say critical things 
 about me or my family, or about 
 the strain we might place on their 
 economy.

 14. I want to receive free food
 stamps.

 15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent 
 subsidies.

 16. I'll need Income tax credits so 
 although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, 
 I'll receive money from the 
 government.

 17. Please arrange it so that the
 Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help
 me buy a new car.

 18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please 
 enroll me free into the Mexican 
 Social Security program so that I'll 
 get a monthly income in retirement.

 I know this is an easy request 
 because you already do all these 
 things for all his people who walk 
 over to the U.S. from Mexico . I am 
 sure that President Calderon won't 
 mind returning the favor if you ask 
 him nicely.

 Thank you so much for your kind 
 help.

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