Friday, November 29, 2013
Receptionist: Hello, Welcome to Obama Flowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?
Customer: Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist: Yes! I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
Customer: Thanks, I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife.
Receptionist: Interrupting, Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer: But I have always ordered "Spring Bouquets", done it for years, my wife likes them.
Receptionist: Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer: Well, how much are they?
Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or
Customer: What's the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12, 18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our Flower Aid department.
Customer: Flower Aid?
Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.
Customer: Whoa! I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.
Receptionist: It is not really a “Right in the Constitution,” but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a "Tax". Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
Customer: I don't believe this.
Receptionist: It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Receptionist: To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.
Customer: WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.
Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, I'll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I'm going to call my Congressman to find out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. That's why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir.
Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door.
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers. Have a nice day and God Bless America.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
1. Iran explodes an Atomic Bomb
2. Obamacare website starts working correctly
3. Barack Obama actually speaks the truth about something.
The latest polling results from Real Science is presented below.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
We are chastised not to judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics.
It is ironic that we are also encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.
How is that supposed to work?
The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and Food Stamps ever - 47 million people are receiving handouts according to the most recent figures available in 2013.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, ironically commands us: "Do Not Feed the Animals."
Their stated reason for the policy is that the animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
At the end of this Fox News chinwag Juan Williams repeats the
oft-repeated shibboleth that owning a gun puts you in more danger of
getting shot rather than less.
The Civilian Disarmament Industrial Complex uses this assumed “fact” to ward off the suggestion that a firearm is an extremely useful method of personal self-defense. The best scientific study on the subject concludes that the people who own guns who get shot by guns are either suicidal or living in violent households. Not to mention living in households where there’s criminal activity. But neither science nor common sense will cut it. How do you convince a fence straddler that they won’t get killed by their own gun?